I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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