You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
