Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
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She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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