a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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