There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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