we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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