So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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