i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
