I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
