we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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