tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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