ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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