why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
