I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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