i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize