he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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