i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
