Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
