Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
