i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
