I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
