I feel great
I just peed on a car
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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