Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
