I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
