Betty ford says i'm here all night
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
