the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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