There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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