is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
