Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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