who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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