this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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