Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.

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(416): The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look. http://tfl.nu/2p75

Replies (13) Good night (801) Bad night (3416)
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(540): View more from Virginia

he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck

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(540): he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck http://tfl.nu/km3p

Replies (22) Good night (3797) Bad night (1165)
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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it

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(867): lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it http://tfl.nu/o5td

Replies (9) Good night (1783) Bad night (4301)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.

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(780): My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/iiov

Replies (5) Good night (3718) Bad night (927)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.

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(314): Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning. http://tfl.nu/u08e

Replies (7) Good night (3389) Bad night (923)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt

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(630): I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt http://tfl.nu/jrki

Replies (10) Good night (2992) Bad night (755)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.

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(303): I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college. http://tfl.nu/snfw

Replies (3) Good night (3920) Bad night (723)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo

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(978): He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo http://tfl.nu/892m

Replies (17) Good night (2770) Bad night (4256)
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(407): View more from Florida

you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.

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(407): you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations. http://tfl.nu/xedp

Replies (15) Good night (2454) Bad night (1102)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.

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(864): There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success. http://tfl.nu/houh

Replies (3) Good night (914) Bad night (377)
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(707): View more from California

I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?

(650): View more from California

There is so much wrong with that sentence

(707): View more from California

Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real

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(707): I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom? (650): There is so much wrong with that sentence (707): Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real http://tfl.nu/wzrt

Replies (5) Good night (1090) Bad night (560)
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(310): View more from California

My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.

(1-310): View more from California

That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.

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(310): My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing. (1-310): That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens. http://tfl.nu/xmxh

Replies (14) Good night (2227) Bad night (527)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!

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(614): I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit! http://tfl.nu/68by

Replies (3) Good night (732) Bad night (490)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029

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(402): I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029 http://tfl.nu/erxw

Replies (7) Good night (372) Bad night (924)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?

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(973): Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question? http://tfl.nu/0k1f

Replies (1) Good night (455) Bad night (261)

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