One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.