that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.