I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
