I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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