i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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