I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
