he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just tell him i said nine months
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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