the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
