Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
