Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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