I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize