just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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