You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
