i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
