i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
