u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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