What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
