Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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