how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Blood and glitter go together right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
