I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
