No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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