I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
