While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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