i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
