everyone is single if you try hard enough
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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