before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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