they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
