youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
