Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
