Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
