that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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