I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
