I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just invented taco cereal.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
