Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
