He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
