another moral hangover. fuck.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
