bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
