and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
