Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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