Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
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It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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